By Susan Cole Rome, LMFT | 5 min read
Understanding the Truth About Marriage Counseling
When couples think about marriage counseling, they often picture it as a last resort – something to turn to only when the relationship feels broken. But that misconception keeps many people from getting help that could actually save and strengthen their partnership long before it reaches that point.
In my Calabasas practice, I’ve seen firsthand how marriage counseling transforms relationships, even when couples arrive skeptical or unsure. Therapy is not about blame or failure – it’s about learning how to communicate, repair, and reconnect. Let’s clear up some of the most common myths and explore the realities that make this work truly life-changing.
Myth 1 – Marriage Counseling Is Only for Relationships in Trouble
Reality: The best time to start therapy is before serious damage occurs.
Many couples believe counseling is only for relationships on the brink of collapse. In truth, therapy is most effective when used preventively. Think of it as relationship maintenance – a chance to tune up communication, address small concerns, and stay emotionally aligned.
Couples who enter therapy early often develop stronger long-term satisfaction and resilience. Just as you don’t wait for a car engine to break down before getting an oil change, relationships also thrive on consistent care.
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Myth 2 – The Therapist Will Take Sides
Reality: A skilled therapist remains neutral and helps both partners feel heard.
In marriage counseling, the goal is not to assign blame but to create understanding. As a therapist, I guide couples toward balanced dialogue, ensuring both voices are respected.
The process focuses on how partners interact – identifying emotional triggers, patterns, and needs that shape their connection. When therapy is done right, each partner leaves sessions feeling supported, not judged.
Myth 3 – Talking About Problems Makes Things Worse
Reality: Avoidance intensifies conflict; open discussion heals it.
When partners suppress issues, resentment quietly builds. Communication may become polite on the surface but cold underneath. Therapy helps you talk in ways that reduce defensiveness and increase emotional safety.
In sessions, I often teach emotion regulation techniques that prevent escalation, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and structured communication tools like The Speaker-Listener Technique or The 40/20/40 process.
These evidence-based methods help couples discuss difficult topics calmly and productively.
Myth 4 – Marriage Counseling Takes Too Long
Reality: Progress can happen quickly with commitment and consistency.
While every couple’s journey is unique, most start noticing improvements within just a few sessions. It’s not about how long therapy takes – it’s about how intentionally you apply what you learn.
Approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Gottman Method often show measurable results within 8 to 12 sessions. The key is consistent effort both inside and outside the therapy room.
Couples who practice the tools between sessions see faster and longer-lasting results.
Myth 5 – Couples Therapy Is Just “Talking About Feelings”
Reality: It’s structured, research-based, and results-driven.
Modern couples therapy is grounded in decades of psychological research. Therapists use proven models like:
- The Gottman Method: Helps couples manage conflict, increase friendship, and build shared meaning.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Focuses on attachment and emotional bonding.
- Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Help couples identify thought patterns that trigger defensiveness or emotional shutdown.
The work is practical, measurable, and skill-oriented. You’ll leave sessions with real tools – not abstract ideas.
Myth 6 – Counseling Means the Relationship Is Failing
Reality: Counseling means you’re investing in success.
The healthiest couples are often the ones who ask for help early. Seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of wisdom. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to look inward, and to build a better relationship with intention.
In fact, research shows that couples who engage in therapy are more likely to stay together long-term and report higher satisfaction than those who don’t seek help.
The Real Truth – Therapy Builds Connection and Resilience
Marriage counseling is not about fixing a broken bond; it’s about creating a stronger, more conscious one.
When couples learn to communicate openly, regulate emotions, and understand each other’s inner world, they cultivate the foundation of long-term love: empathy, trust, and respect.
In a fast-paced, success-driven community like Calabasas, therapy gives couples the tools to stay emotionally grounded amidst daily pressures.
Taking the First Step
If you and your partner are considering therapy, remember this: it’s never too early, and it’s never too late. Whether you’re navigating transitions, repairing after conflict, or simply wanting to grow together, help is available.
I offer a confidential and supportive space where couples can explore, heal, and rediscover each other with compassion.
Schedule a private consultation today to begin your journey toward a healthier, more connected relationship.
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Meta Description: Discover the truth about marriage counseling. Calabasas LMFT Susan Cole Rome debunks common myths about couples therapy and shares insights on how it can strengthen relationships.
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